The extreme case of the paradox of control, as Nick Williams explains on his blog The Negative Psychologist, is the abusive relationship in which one person seeks wholly to control the other. It’s only on a spotless kitchen counter that a speck of dust even registers. In a messy house, an improperly folded T-shirt is no big deal in a fully Kondified one, it’s a stress-inducing anomaly.

At other times, it’s because you develop tunnel vision about whatever you’re trying to control, and your standards grow more exacting, so smaller failures of control are ever more frustrating. Sometimes the problem is that the thing you’re attempting to control rebels against you: examples include toddlers, partners, and also yourself, whenever you try to stick to some rigid new schedule or habit. This is the so-called “paradox of control”, and it’s why nobody should be surprised when decluttering, for all its benefits, fails to bring the satisfaction they’d hoped for. Actually, it’s worse than that: the harder you try, the harder it gets. But it’s worth bearing in mind a hidden hazard when it comes to seeking control in any area of life, which is, bluntly, that you’ll never achieve it. (That’s basically why everyone does everything.) And, as a neat freak, I understand the specific pleasures of imposing your will on your surroundings. I mention this not to imply that followers of Peterson or Kondo are needy weirdos driven by deep-seated but acknowledged neuroses.

Tidiness mean